My Midnight Panic Attack
Scorned Waifu launches on Amazon Prime, which is a great milestone. In my excitement, I share the news with family, coworkers, and friends letting them know the news. They tell me that they will watch it and say congratulations. So an week later before going to bed, I decide to check in on how the sales were doing. When I log in, my heart sinks as I see we only have 1 rental. Later that night, I woke up questioning everything.
Do I just need to give them more time? Did I not make a good enough film? Are the actors embarrassed to be in my film? Racing thoughts and paranoia fill the mind. I feel my heart rate pulsing. The next day at work, I ask my coworkers if they watched the film and they reply awkwardly with a “Not yet, we’re get to it.” It's a peculiar phenomenon: family and friends proudly proclaim your artistic endeavors to others, yet when it comes to actively supporting your work, they seem indifferent or even dismissive.
It can be a tough pill to swallow as films take a lot of time and effort to see through. Years of your life go into making each project and thus it feels like a part of you is infused with each project. The lack of support is definitely demotivating. It's hard to get noticed and even harder to get engagement. If you look at the view counts and sales, you might amuse it best shut down shop and call it day.
But, that is not what’s happening. What can I do? I am a storyteller; I create. I only have to prove something to myself. I am learning to be learning how to be my own support, I have to think about how big the world is and how many people are out there waiting to see my art. As an artist I’ll constantly face rejection. Far more rejections than acceptances. I’ll need thick skin and need to believe in myself and that’s pretty much a lesson beyond art too. In the end, It's how you feel about your own art that matters.
It’s about how you can frame it.
Also I am much thankfully for the few out there who do take the time to watch the film, listen to the songs, or get a laugh out of my work. I just have to have the patience, confidence and faith that it will work out in the end.
